


Going Slightly Mad

by 1f_this_be_madness



Series: Beyond the Rhapsody [23]
Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: 2020 NHL Playoffs Bubble, Anxiety, Banter, Ben has said before that he's a crier, Ben is just so loving and kind I can't, Best Friends, But hockey references due to the playoffs, COVID-19 Quarantine, Conversations, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Declarations Of Love, Epic Friendship, Family Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends will be friends right to the end, Frustration, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Gwilym Lee Is a Sweetheart, Hardzzello undertones, Hope vs. Despair, Hugs, I Don't Even Know, In which attempts are made to deal with isolation, Inspired by Music, Internal Monologue, Internet, Internet Famous, Introspection, Joe and Ben are so cute together help me, Late Night Conversations, Late at Night, News Media, Not Hockey Players (Hockey RPF), POV Third Person Limited, Pandemics, Pasta, Platonic Kissing, Police, Police Brutality, Queen (Band) References, Radio, Self-Indulgent, Semi-platonic couch cuddles, Sharing a Bed, Sleepy Cuddles, Social Anxiety, Social Issues, Social Media, Softness and love, Song Lyrics, Sports, Swearing, Sweet, Television Watching, Texting, What-If, Worry, life in quarantine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:22:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 16,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26014084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/pseuds/1f_this_be_madness
Summary: After the proof of existence Instagram story, and the video about fan mail, and just... everything going on, Ben misses Joe. He's worried about him. And he figures out how to do some travelling, because as long as you wear a mask and stay in a two-week quarantine (and honestly he's not going to go anyplace else when in New York) he decides...yes. he's got to do this.(Or, after the Instagram stories of past days, Ben devises a plan because, to heck with this)Just to be clear, I don't advocate breaking quarantine or doing anything that would physically endanger a person in this time period. Stay safe, everyone!
Relationships: Ben Hardy & Gwilym Lee, Ben Hardy & Gwilym Lee & Rami Malek & Joe Mazzello, Ben Hardy & Joe Mazzello, Ben Hardy & Rami Malek, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: Beyond the Rhapsody [23]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1390516
Comments: 86
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

Ben's going mad. He's sure he is, or was. Has been for a while, hah. 

Quarantine was fine for the first, or rather, he actually likes it. It's nice, being able to relax at home, veg out, catch up on reading and watching and even playing drums (because no matter what, he supposes the Roger Taylor hasn't departed his system wholly and he's got a drumset in his flat). And there are zoom calls to make, or Skype, when it works - and he's talking with his family more than he has in a long time as he holes up and watches the news about Brexit and the NHS and the immense amounts of changes.

But it's settled in Britain, he guesses. He hates the news of deaths, of infections; it makes his heart plummet every time, and he wants to bang all his pots and pans for the health officials but he can't get over the fact that people are _dying_ from this. He knows folks in Germany, in France. They're getting hit too. Paris is a nightmare. 

But then he starts hearing more about America. The hotspots. The protests. The fact that people actually refuse to wear masks, for multiple reasons, one of which being certain that the virus is a hoax and it's going to magically disappear after their election day - Joe had said that, deadpan, on zoom and Ben had to honestly stifle himself a moment in the bedclothes - but the numbers are a hundred fifty thousand deaths in the States and rising, and he's worried about Joe.

He started worrying at the cessation of calls, less reaching out, less ridiculous memes. His presence on the group chat went to nearly zero, about like Rami's; but Ben loves Rami, knows that's how he's always been, more for a single sweet comment and emoticon than an entire barrage of them. But Joe is not. Joe is bubbly, and outgoing, and always has a smile. But now he's grown out his hair and he looks pale, and when Ben's notification on his phone rings to show Joe's story on Instagram, his eyes...they look not pained, but almost dead. Like life has been leeched from them. Maybe he's being dramatic, maybe he's got it wrong, but the fan mail video Joe posts, while tongue in cheek with the screeching about only getting letters from Ben and Gwil and Rami's fans - there's something else beneath. Some real fury, struggling to the surface. Frustration, at the very least. And he figures it's about the world at large and not actually at any person - Joe is so thankful for his fans, he appreciates all of them, adores them to the point of posting or replying to them directly so much of the time that Ben is floored, how does Joe DO that, there aren't enough hours in the day - 

That's when Ben freezes. He stops, and thinks, and figures _"yeah, the reason Joe can do so much is because he's always doing things for others. Always."_ Ben sucks in air and bites his lip, rolling his tongue and pushing fingers through his hair as he recalls how well Joe kept himself together even in the worst of times on set during the filming of BoRhap, in the midst of so much grief, and this... He isn't about to say that it's worse directly for Joe, because it's got to be utter hell to lose someone you love, but so many people are experiencing that, and there is such uncertainty in the world at this point. Things are already so different, and yet not; they'll have to change more, the world will be different this time next year. It has to be. 

Yet that's terrifying enough for him, alone, plugging on. What must it be like for those with families? And now he's thought it, Ben cannot keep his head from staying stuck on the fact that Joe does so much for people. And he's stuck, now. In one of the biggest hotspots, or at least it used to be, couple of months ago. He's with his mom, and he thinks he looks like shit, and he's calling into the void that is the internet (even if sometimes said void is good at spitting things back, what it's been sending out lately is mass hysteria and paranoia, just like the news does even when they're trying not to, thanks).

But anyway. Joe does not seem to be doing his best, like anybody could be, it's totally understandable; but Ben wants, he feels that he needs to do something for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers,
> 
> This is a purely hypothetical piece in the sense that I'm working out my own uncertainty and frustrations in these times and, having seen Joe's recent posts along with his YouTube video about fan mail, I think he and I have similar responses (in the sense that he is trying to use humour to deal with these crazy times), but that I did see something in his eyes in his recent story that made me hope he's doing okay. He seems incredibly social and extroverted, as I am, and. Well it's been tough for me recently, not being physically around other people. It's a trying time for everyone, and I sincerely hope Joe really is doing all right. (Also I wanted to write Ben being sweet because I haven't written about them in a while)
> 
> Love to all of you, and hope you are well
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	2. Chapter 2

So, Ben checks. He gets the okay to travel, and figures his fourteen day quarantine out by calling a hotel by JFK and setting it up, and he's got ample amounts of masks and some gloves and all. He's packed his stuff and gets a ticket and then figures he needs to do something for Frankie, because he doesn't want to risk taking her and he gets nervous enough going through customs naturally. It's a reaction, for some reason it makes Ben's heart speed up and his palms get sweaty and really it's not a picnic for anyone. Plus Franks would sense his discomfort and likely bark at the TSA people, and really no one wants that. 

So he decides he's going to go out on a limb and ask someone to take care of her.

And of course the first person he thinks, due to proximity and to being such a good mate as well as responsible, is Gwil. 

He's been chatting regularly with Gwil, and they've gone out and walked together even during the social distancing thing, only difference from before is that now they use two umbrellas instead of one in the rain. But Gwil seems pretty happy, he's not been posting much but he's glad to have his newest show out on Hulu (The Great, and Ben has watched it, the bromance between Gwil's and Nicholas Hoult's characters is strong, which he had referred to once and Gwil told him 'not to worry, Nick's not replacing you') and has been educating himself, he says, on social matters because it's always been a necessity but is even more necessary now that the world is so different. "It's so easy for people to become divided" he said, and Ben agreed. Which is one of many reasons he had given his Instagram for a voice who knows so much more than he does, and was happy to see so many pictures and posts detailing experience. Opening eyes. Uniting us with knowledge rather than dividing us - or at least, that's what Ben hopes. 

Another layer of his worry about Joe is how close he is to the riots, the protests. As if that closeness is some reason for silence, that not knowing where to go from here strangles speech and action (and what can one do in the midst of quarantine is a question that has been asked. Answer, so much) but talking doesn't always get places. Ben knows that. He knows it from not being certain what to say, or if he has anything he can add to the conversation. This current conversation, yes, but also any. He collects himself as best he can, but is far more comfortable playing a character than being himself, as he'd said; and thus he still is not clear on what to say.

Yet he knows now that there are words he needs to say. 

He's got to talk to Gwil.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lot of internal stuff going on here, I'm not entirely sure how coherent this is, but I've tried
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chat between friends
> 
> > Text messages after this

Ben is infinitely relieved every time he calls or texts someone and it's like their previous conversation hasn't ended, like they've just been waiting to slip back into the swing of speech, or text, and the fact that he is able to reach out first to chat is a big step for him. Used to think he would be bothering someone, anyone, everyone he talked to. But there are people who show such excitement and appreciation when he talks that he knows they are happy to hear from him, and to listen.

Gwil has always been one of those people. 

> Hey Gwil whats goin on mate

Ben ensures he is typing into their solo chat. He has several group messages with Gwil in, and after the two of them started sending various emojis to each other in one stream he'd gotten a response of _trying to sleep, will you boys please fuck off,_ and Ben had been absolutely mortified when he realised they'd been texting in a group that included the ever irascible Roger Taylor. So. He's learned his lesson and ensures this time he scrolls down to the appropriate message.

The response is almost immediate, the way Joe used to respond... Ben shakes his head to clear it as Gwil's returning message chimes.

> Ben!! How are you, man? I saw your insta story and was thinking we ought to go for a pint 🍻

Ben smiles. He can so easily imagine the sparkling of Gwil's blue eyes.

> Good, cant complain. Sounds good we gotta go, but I got a qn for you

He so easily sees the squinting then, the way Gwilym leans forward when focusing, his eyes narrowed.

> Okay, go for it. What's on your mind?

> you're gonna laugh @ me, but its Joe. 

> Wow I'm so surprised 🙄

> Seriously mate, I'm worried about him

> ... You saw that in his story too? The way he looked?

> ! So its not just me then

Ben waits for a few minutes this time, jiggling his leg up and down. He contemplates actually doing his workout whilst chatting so he isn't hanging on for every response Gwil could make, but tries instead to just keep on breathing. He gets a glass of water and by the time he's come back with it, Gwil's sent a response.

> No, it isn't just you. I've been worried for a bit now, seeing as what's been happening in America isn't solely from the pandemic anymore, know what I mean?

Ben nods, he knows exactly what Gwil is saying. There is the bare minimum of news coming from America, which began as vague political statements (and the BBC mentioning the president's Twitter every once in a while) before this virus. But as its presence grew first total numbers, then states, and after information getting out that some places are opening up, only weeks after the media went wild with news of protests over the killing of George Floyd. And then violence had mounted, and Ben has to close his eyes, feeling ill over the information he had gotten. The reiterating of so many wrongful deaths that keep on coming.... He gulps and gasps and focuses on Gwilym's words again. About Joe. They're talking about Joe.

> But I have noticed that Joe hasn't been sending as much lately. So I feel like, yes, he's gotten a bit down, which is wholly understandable during this time. I wish I could do something, but I haven't figured out what to do, you know?

> Yeah, Ben responds, a lump rising into his throat. Which shouldn't make him stop being able to type, sod it. > Yeah, i want to help.

> What're you thinking?

> i realise this may be a lot cos didnt actually think it all out yet and you can totally say no -

> Easy, Ben. Spit it out, mate, you're alright.

Ben breathes. > Thanks, Gwil. Was wondering if you're able to have a houseguest for like a month or smt

> & by houseguest i mean Frankie

> Cos im planning to go see Joe in ny. Bought ticket & everything

> 😲😮😯

> shit, you think its a bad idea dont you?

> I, no, I didn't say that. If you've taken all the necessary precautions, I'm sure you'll be alright. You have done all that, yes?

> Of course. I'm not jUST a pretty face

> Of course not 😄 And you know that you'll be quarantined there for a fortnight?

> Worth it to see Joe.

> Ah mate, Joey's lucky to have you 😍 

> shut up 👊 Gwil c'mon

> No really. You're a real one, I would go too, if I'd - well things are rough but yes I'd be more than happy to take care of Frankie as long as you need. Just give Joe a big hug from me when you see him, yeah?

> I will. Cheers Gwil, this - well its really top of you, mate. I mean it. 

> Course, mate. You know I love Joe too ❤️

> Yeah, i do. ill send info so you kno whats going soon as i do, yeah?

> Sounds good mate. And we can get that pint once you're back

> Hell yeah after ive been quarantined here too 😷

> Bugger. Best be certain you take all precautions, yeah?

> Definitely, yeah. I'll be seeing you Gwilly xx

> Oi don't take Joe's name for me!

> Sorry, just know he hasnt used it of late.

> Ah, it's alright. 😘 Ta, Ben 

> Bye Gwil

Ben closes out of their text message and feels a weight lift. He looks down at Frankie, who's come up to him with tail wagging. "Well girl, you're going to be staying with your uncle Gwilym for a bit, how's that sound?" She yips and wiggles her bum in excitement, head cocking as he says Gwil's name. Ben smiles. He's relieved his mate didn't think he was absolutely bonkers for wanting to do this, and even though it sucks they're both worrying about Joe, well, at least he's no longer worrying alone. 

Now he's just got to see if it's okay for him to be visiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not at all confident in my writing of text speak but I tried, haha. And I think Gwil would be Frankie's uncle for sure :)
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	4. Chapter 4

It was a lucky thing they'd gotten Mrs Mazzello's phone number during filming, Ben thinks. Or rather, lucky that Rami knows it, and that Ben can call him. He is the centre of them all, their Freddie, and when Ben calls him and says he's going to see Joe and can Rami send him Joe's mom's number so she knows he's coming? "It - I want Joe seeing me to be a surprise," he hopes Rami will be on board. Ben nearly chokes on the words, his low voice getting lower, rough as he cannot help the curl of uncertainty that rolls in his stomach. He can't help but think that somehow Joe will not want to see him, that he's in such a place as not to act in any way akin to the easy manner he's always done before; and then Ben shakes his head and berates himself for being stupid. _Don't be fucking stupid, you're going to see him, and Rami knows he's alright, he'd say it if Joe really wasn't,_ he tells himself.

Rami can also tell that he's worried. Rami knows, he is intuitive that way, and says that it's so good of Ben to want to come. Instantly tells him Virginia's personal number "I can tell her that you're calling so she knows to answer, Ben," and he's so gentle about it, so sweet "She'll be excited, I'm sure." 

Rami's warm, wonderful tone of voice hits Ben far harder than he wants it to, than he thinks it would, and his hands are shaking as he pushes fingers down his face, trying to ignore and at the same time brush away chill tracks that now pour over his warm round cheeks. "I'm sorry," Ben chokes. "I - thanks, Rami. I just -" he waves a hand despite knowing his mate can't see him, and rolls his bleary eyes at his own idiocy.

But Rami does know, somehow; the way he always knows. The way he'd kept them going from the beginning. "It's alright," Rami speaks so gently, so softly. "Ben, it's going to be all right. I believe that. Of course, the fact that you're going to visit Joe,"

"Is a big part of that, yeah?" Ben sniffles, trying to joke a little now. "Yeah, I know I'm - that'll be pretty amazing."

Rami laughs, a rich and wonderful sound, and Ben actually does believe this is going to help when his friend does that. After Rami asks him to let him know when he gets to New York "so I can help too, okay?" Ben feels settled enough to call Joe's mom, to ask her if he can come. To be there for his friend, because what's the use in saying we're all in this together unless we can actually get together, somehow, safely? In Ben's view, there's no use at all. He's tired of just the words, as he's never really been good with those. 

It's actions that are important now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben is moving forward with going to see Joe, and Rami is here to help as well
> 
> I know the 'we're all in this together' slogan is meant to be affirming, but actions speak to so many people being and feeling divided more than those words do just because they're reiterated so much. Ben's frustration is my frustration with that
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben makes a phone call

So Ben calls Joe's mom, feeling a bit like he's a teenager or something, asking if Joe's home and can come outside to play or summat like that. His lips twitch as he hears that chipper voice, the way Joe's mum somehow always managed to be sweet and warm and welcoming even when dealing with absolute hell...

"Hello, this is Virginia speaking."

"Erm, hi Virginia, this is Ben, Ben Hardy. Joe's mate from -"

"Bohemian Rhapsody!" Her voice is all smiles. "Benny, how are you? Oh, I remember only my son calls you that, right?"

"Yeah," Ben feels his voice start to crack. _But he hasn't done it often of late._ No, c'mon, don't say that. "But it's alright, um. I'm pretty well, considering. England's finally calmed down with covid cases, I think. How're you?"

"Well I've been working from home, with Joe's help. He's set up my computer so I can create dance videos and helps me post them to our studio website for the students to use. They leave little comments for me, saying hello and hoping to be back in the studio dancing sometime soon. It's nice. And I feel a little selfish, but." She's whispering now "I've got my son home, my family close, and I feel blessed in this. But so many people have it horribly, we've been hearing about the city on the news...."

"Yeah I heard New York was pretty bad for awhile. I'm really glad you're all safe and doing alright." They deserve it, Ben thinks, with all the sorrow of loss they'd suffered; this family doesn't need any more. Ben swipes one of his palms on his trouser leg, wondering if it'll be ridiculous for him to ask her now if he can come and see Joe, because the way that Joe acted on social media - and being off it, rather - has him worried. He doesn't want to get her worried.

But she seems to register something of what he wants to say. Perhaps a motherly level of intuition, who knows. "Thank you, Ben. You too. And I'm supposing this call has something to do with Joe, right? Though you didn't contact him on his phone...,"

"Yeah, I, I mean no, I didn't." Ben inhales deeply and clears his throat, clenching one fist. Might as well just say it right out, if he's going to see if she's okay with letting him come, he's got to be honest with her. "I've been - worrying about him, to be honest," he says. "I'm really glad you're saying he's with you doing things, I dunno, but on our group chats and all he's gotten a lot more quiet, and he posted a video the other day...." Ben curses himself for probably making her worry with how cryptic this all likely sounds. That had been exactly what he DIDN'T want to do. "I'm sorry, I just - know things are rough over there and especially for Joe, he's a talker, he likes being round people." Why is he telling Virginia this, Joe is _her_ son. He's cocking this all up. "Sorry, I just - I was wondering if I could come and visit him? I've... I know about the flight restrictions and two-week quarantine, and it's fine, if you don't want -"

"Ben," Virginia says gently. He manages to stop talking, though his heart is racing.

"Yeah?"

"That's such a wonderful thought," her voice goes a trifle quiet, starting to wobble like his, and Ben closes his eyes and wills himself not to cry because come on. "I want you to be safe, but Joey would love to see you. He's been helping me so much, but he's so social I worry about him too. As a mother, that's my job, you know. Worry about my kids even when they're grown." There is such fondness in her tone it makes Ben's chest ache, but she saves him by becoming more business like: "So. Do you mean to tell me you've got a ticket to come and everything?"

"Yes, I... Well I'll be there by the weekend, and then I've got to be in quarantine," says Ben. "I rented a room by the airport but it's in the city, so. Not entirely sure about that but I can rent a car or something after two weeks. You're not in the city, are you?"

"No, small town, bit of a suburb by most standards," she laughs. "We will figure it out, though. You've got everything, sanitiser, masks?"

Now she sounds just like a mum. "Yes I've got one of those official ones like health folks wear, bought one from me dentist. And a couple of the layered types. Gloves, sanitation... I think my bag is more full of precautions than clothes," he half-kids. She laughs, but he can tell she's glad of that.

"Well I'm glad you have what you need to keep yourself safe. Will you tell me on the day you're coming so I can count down quarantine?"

"I - yes, of course," he swallows, beams. "I... thanks so much for letting me come, Virginia."

"Thank you so much for being here for Joe. He's lucky to have you."

"I'm lucky to have him," Ben cannot keep himself from saying. "He's a top mate, I love him." He freezes on that, wondering if she will think anything about it, but of course not.

Her voice is warm and sincere, and possibly a trifle choked up as she replies "I know he loves you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must stress I am inferring what Joe's mom is up to during quarantine, I know she runs a dance studio in their hometown but that's it. I strive to keep their family life private
> 
> But she just looks like she'd be so sweet and I love the idea of her texting Ben as he's on his way to them :) because come on Ben, of course she's okay with you coming to check on her son! Long as it's safe
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	6. Chapter 6

It's a whirlwind after, getting ready. Ben goes to the grocery and the pet store and gets everything Gwil could possibly need to take care of Frankie, and gets some things for Gwil himself too. He checks and re-checks his flight number, how many masks he has, and all of the precautions he'd been told by British customs and American TSA when he'd called the New York City airport to make sure he'd be doing things right. Last thing he needs is to be on the news as the idiot British actor who'd come over to America and re-ignited the NYC hotspot of the coronavirus pandemic.

He's nervous, and excited, and he hopes he'll be able to help Joe out (and maybe himself too because it does him good, this, actually doing something, working to help people). Keeps him busy. Ben's running all around and thus has to burn off some of his excess energy by doing a couple of drum rolls and playing the start of 'Keep Yourself Alive' - he's absolutely shite at it, still, but that grounds him. Keeps him steady, letting off steam. He'd texted Gwil to ask if he wanted Ben to bring Frankie, or Gwil could come get her - he's leaving Heathrow early tomorrow, arse crack of dawn, and he hates it, he's the precise opposite of a morning person unless he's out training, but this is for Joe.

A notification buzzes back on his phone, and it's Gwil saying _I'll come to you, you deserve it,_ and Ben smiles, flips his stick and pounds away on the drums until there's another text about being here _Maybe buzz me up?_ and he lets out a puff of air and stands, realising his shirt is drenched with sweat from drumming and he tosses it off, grabs a flannel and dabs at his neck and shoulders before striding over to the buzzer and smacking it for Gwil to come up. Franks comes padding up to him, wagging her tail and licking a bit of sweat off his face as he crouches to cup her face. "Hey girl," he says. "You know how much I'm gonna miss you, right?" She licks him, directly in the face, practically the mouth, and Ben laughs even as he wrinkles his face and expels "Augh c'mon, Franksta. That's gross," and she makes a little huffing noise as a knock on the door sounds. Ben stands and hooks his mask, one he keeps on the hall table for visitors (which mostly consist of takeaway drivers who are willing to walk up the stairs to his flat), around his ears and smooths it over his chin and nose before opening the door.

And it's Gwil, slightly shaggy hair, not too long though, bit closer to how it looked in his Midsomer Murder days (yes alright Ben has been watching that show as well; it's come up free on Prime and he's about fucking tired of cable) but he looks good, fit as ever, wearing a black mask with guitars all over, and his bright blue eyes are sparkling as he takes in Ben's appearance. "Why hullo there Roger," he says in an approximation of his Brian May voice, still pretty perfect actually, though muffled by the mask, and Ben looks down at his bare and slightly sweaty chest.

"Oh." He knows that Gwil is teasing, his eyes are crinkled and twinkling and so Ben tries not to be embarrassed, but his cheeks flame anyhow. "You want me to get some clothes on or something -" the rest of whatever he was going to say is cut off by Gwilym shaking his head, closing the door, and flinging himself into Ben, wrapping long arms around him and hanging tight. 

"I don't mind it, not a bit," his voice is so bright, but sweet. "It's good to see you, Ben."

"Same," Ben replies, his face pressed to Gwil's shoulder and upper chest. He'd turned to the side but now his eyes close and his arms cinch around his friend as he feels Gwil's hands running up and down his back. Sweat actually be damned. _It's so good to feel you,_ he means, and not in any way but that - god, he's missed hugging people. Especially Gwil, who is still probably the best hugger Ben has ever met or seen. He smells so good too, and holds on just hard enough, head pressing into the side and top of Ben's head, and Ben is trying really desperately not to start shaking. "I've missed this," he croaks. "Missed you." Even though they'd seen each other a few weeks ago, there isn't much of embracing or cuddling in the pandemic, especially if they're out; Ben doesn't want to worry people and he doesn't want the looks of _'those foolish children'_ that he's so often seen. Yes, there are definitely a lot of foolish children out and about, but he has high hopes that he is not one of them. And Gwil is definitely not one of those idiotic kids, not thinking about the future; no Gwil is standing round here looking like a young father in a business suit. Or in this case out of a business suit but still in slacks and a nice soft jumper that matches his eyes. And he's wearing one of Brian's masks, Ben realises, it's the Red Special that's stitched onto that midnight fabric.

He wants to talk shite, really, but more than that he wants to stay here and relish in a hug. God, he's more starved for physical affection than he'd thought. 

"Me too, Ben," Gwil keeps hanging on to him, holding close. "It's alright." Ben is about to ask why, what does Gwil mean by that, except that he realises his nose is stuffed and his eyes are fogging, and damn it he is actually crying on Gwil, in relief for sure, amongst multiple other emotions. Yet he tries to stop, this isn't what he wanted their reunion to be like, and at this rate he's going to start bawling the second he claps eyes on Joe - but Gwil just holds him, and if Ben didn't know any better he'd think his mate was crying too by the feeling of Gwil's Adams apple bobbing and how he's shifted one hand up to his own face.

At last Ben pulls back and wipes his eyes, and Frankie is yipping and waggling around them, which exhorts Gwil to crouch and give her a cuddle because "hey there Frankie, sweetheart, are you excited to stay with me for a couple weeks?" And then looking up at Ben "you're ready, yeah?"

"Yeah," Ben clears his throat and nudges the bag he'd actually brought out with one foot as he goes for another shirt inside it. Probably should take a shower, but. He's going to save that for the morning, do his best to wake himself up. "I'm getting in to Heathrow super early, and then arrive in JFK stupid early because of time change."

"Means you'll definitely get to sleep once you land then," Gwil says.

Ben rolls his eyes. "Oh sure, I guess one thing about the city is it could be quiet, yeah right."

Gwil snorts with laughter but then sobers up even as Ben does, because hell the city could actually be quiet with curfews and all from quarantine. Shaking his head "This is a mad old world, man."

"You're telling me," Ben responds, roughing up his hair and then running a hand down his face. "I'm tired just thinking about it."

"You want me to go then?" Gwil asks, gesturing to Frankie. "I can haul her stuff -"

"No!" Ben blurts loudly. Gwil's eyebrow goes up. "No, I mean, you don't have to, mate. I bought some food, I...in case you wanted to stay a bit tonight, before I leave. Thank you for taking care of Franks and all." His voice had gone soft, tough to hear with mask, damn precautions. Necessary though. 

"It's fine, Ben," Gwil smiles under his mask, Ben can tell he does, he knows his friend's face so well. Just wishes with a lurch in his stomach that he could SEE it. "Really. I'm more than happy to take care of Franks, and that way you can go see Joe, check on him. For all of us," the tall fellow strides over to sit down. "But I'm also happy to stay a bit, if you like. I'd love to."

Ben beams. "Yes, I would like," he clasps his hands together a moment. "Cheers, Gwil. You want a drink? I really will make us food," and he goes over to where he'd set his groceries, making Gwilym whistle. 

"Wow. You actually do intend to cook for me, damn." He settles back comfortably now, grateful to be here and stay a mite with Ben. "I'll take whatever you're having."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to include a nod to a) Ben actually having a drumkit from what I saw in an old instagram post and b) the fact that Roger Taylor basically took every opportunity to drum with his shirt off. ;P
> 
> *Gwil is wearing one of the masks Brian actually advertised on his IG page because, why not
> 
> Ben and Gwil are super sweet mates don't look at me I'm emotional. Oh man, I love them so much! And fully understand feeling touch starved during the pandemic. People deserve hugs
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	7. Chapter 7

Ben groans as his phone beeps and brightens up, the alarm sounding with Roger's falsetto on first low volume and then higher, his introductory vocals for 'In The Lap of the Gods' which Ben set as his alarm tone (for days when he's been responsible the night before, at least - he learned the hard way how much Rog's highest vocal tones feel like a sharpened railroad spike driven into the skull of someone with a hangover). 

Currently, though, he is solely in pain from how early it is in the morning. He rolls over with fists pressing to his eyes briefly, and registers that he isn't going to feel Frankie licking him this morning because she has to've already left with Gwil -

But then there's a scratch and a bump on his door, and suddenly it's open and here comes his little girl, running over to paw his bare feet, and behind her with a smile Ben can actually see now, is Gwil, carrying a steaming mug that he offers. "Morning, Ben," he says gently, far softer than the screeching that still emanates from Ben's phone. "Holy whoah, if I was ever unsure about Roger's range...," Ben blinks and fumbles to turn his alarm off.

"Shit, sorry mate. I - you're still here," Ben half-mumbles, sure this is a dream. He could very well be dreaming, he'd practically done that when posting on Instagram once. Looked a sight too, and is pretty sure he's done enough mad things that his mind has now conjured up Gwilym Lee, standing here offering him a cup of coffee at oh two thirty "...either I'm dreaming, or I'm dead," Ben says, fingers closing around the heft of the coffee mug, and Gwil laughs, throwing his head back.

"No mate, neither. I just figured I should stay round and help you this morning, 'specially since we didn't get to bed anywhere close to a reasonable hour last night..." He appears apologetic. "Which is definitely my fault."

Ben snorts. "Mate if you remember, I'm the one who put the telly on."

" _After_ I suggested a post-supper cuddle," Gwil returns, and smiles. Ben had enthusiastically accepted the suggestion of cuddling; they'd taken off their masks to eat, and he really wanted to just...be close to someone. He's really glad Gwil was there. Blinks back to the moment to hear him continuing: "Anyway I'm fixing you the last bit of eggs for breakfast as they'll probably go bad in four weeks." He pats Ben's shoulder. "They'll be ready after you shower, and c'n call a taxi for you then, yeah?"

"Marry me," Ben blurts, before taking a gulp of coffee and feeling as if he has immolated himself "oh christ, that's hot!" 

Of course he drinks more though directly after, even as it burns, and deals with Gwil telling him "You wish," and "May have to tell Joe you're making propositions, mate."

"Sod off, he's the one who said he'd marry you on Instagram," Ben mutters. 

"And put you in a pageboy outfit, ah, good times," Gwil grins as Ben pokes his tongue out at him before shuffling blearily to grab up some clothes and head for the loo and a shower. "How jealous about that are you?" He asks Ben now.

Ben grunts. "Not at all, you're taking care of my dog and making me breakfast. We're a regular couple." Poking his head back around the bathroom door "...I won't tell Joe."

"Nice to keep things private," Gwilym grins, wondering how much of this conversation Ben is later going to register as he is currently not all awake. He reaches out and ruffles the bed head of his shorter friend fondly. "Message received. I'll finish up breakfast, then." 

Ben smiles tiredly at him with real gratitude in his eyes, the sheer amount of thankfulness nearly causing a lump to fill his throat. But Gwil is glad to do it; he gets Ben his eggs and toast as he sits down, hair still damp from the shower. Helps him run round the flat for a final sweep of all Frankie's favourite toys to take with her to Gwil's, and another final sweep of the flat for Ben's things after he calls the cab and swears because he doesn't think he'd packed any socks. Finally grabs a jacket and hooks his mask back over his ears, dropping a kiss onto Frankie's head and getting another hug from Gwil which this time Ben initiates. 

"Got your passport?" Gwil asks, and Ben checks for it in his pocket, where it sits with his phone. "Tell me when you're there, and maybe we can FaceTime with Rami too. Get the band back together, yes?"

"Hell yeah," Ben is fully awake and onboard with that. Presses himself into Gwilym's side before he hears the cabbie honk from out front. "Love you, Gwil."

Gwil squeezes back, warmth lighting up and further brightening his already-bright eyes. "Safe travels, Ben, mate. Love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Gwil are so sweet and lovingly flirty with one another, as the best of best mates are
> 
> *Also there was a picture Gwil posted of himself in a white turtleneck I think on Instagram and Joe's comment was "fine I'll marry you". Ah, Joe
> 
> Ben is off to America now!
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	8. Chapter 8

It's not too terribly bad, getting to America.

Well actually, the fact that it's still so early in the morning is hell, and of course Ben gets all sweaty and fidgety as he goes through customs _\- for no fucking reason, honestly, come on Ben -_ since he's been on flights before, so many, he ought to be good. Hasn't flown nearly as much as he's ridden the tube or bullet trains round Europe, and maybe that's it, why he isn't fully at ease when flying - at least not when alone, he'd been aces when coming over for the Oscars with Gwil - but who knows? 

He deals with all the extra information told to him and blared over loudspeakers this time after passing through security and tries not to look suspicious in any way shape or form as he hunches down in his hoodie because he's still so bloody tired, damnit. He shuffles blearily over to one of those newsstand sort of spaces that sell drinks and snacks and books and shit magazines, though of course there are those Plexiglas screen things as well and people looking like they're wearing gloves and he's probably not going to be able to focus on a book, anyway. 

But he caves and buys one, something about lines in sand, or bloodlines, it's red and yellow with the shadowy outline of a horse and jockey on the cover, and he still definitely isn't going to read it but somehow purchasing it - along with a candy bar and a Coke - seems weirdly normal. Like there isn't in fact a pandemic going on, and he's not going to be sitting in a seat on an airplane with no one allowed to sit next to him. Not only that, but everything the stewardess hands him is in a sealed bag, and as his chest tightens up the way it always does on planes, even as he's put in his earbuds to minimize at least some of the background noise, he begins playing whatever songs might possibly help to soothe and slow the pounding of his heart (Joe had grabbed his phone one time and made a plane-flying playlist, or that's what he said it was. "You're gonna love it, Ben" and the first fucking song he'd played on that occasion was Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. 'Free Fallin'). 

"Fucking hell," Ben breathes as he watches a woman check him out, look at the place she's going to sit, and then move over like maybe there is somehow not space enough between them, despite the fact the aisle is. There's a ruckus at the front because a group of blokes aren't wearing masks and one's making a stink like they're being targeted for some reason, but Ben ducks his head down and prays that they stop shouting and just _be nice_ and put on the masks that the airline folks hand to them. Really, is that so bloody hard? If people only followed protocols for their own sake...in this case, they'd be protecting other people too.

He cinches his seatbelt and listens to the protocol (which is the same as ever except with some extra precautions on the oxygen masks so he really hopes, more than usual, they won't be needing to use them) and there seems to not be too many people on this plane, even though there's at least one crying baby, of course. Ben shifts himself to sit back comfortably as he can, and turns up his music. Next song he shuffles to is 'Spread Your Wings' and he manages to slow his breathing and deal with his mask as he listens to Freddie Mercury's warm voice, feels it washing over him as the plane takes off and starts to soar.

_"Spread your wings and fly away, fly away, far away - spread your little wings and fly away, fly away, far awaaay... Pull yourself together, 'cos you know you should do better; that's because you're a free man."_

Despite not being certain he could ever fall asleep on a plane - last time he'd done might actually have been when heading to the Oscars - Ben ends up managing to relax and fall into a sort of warm, hazy, half-awake place as he holds his book and has his bag and listens, heading across the ocean to be with his best friend.

_"Come on honey, fly with me..."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Spread Your Wings' might have to be my favourite Queen song, though choosing just one is almost impossible to do
> 
> *Ben's book as I've described it is actually one I purchased myself, before getting on one of the last flights I took. It's called _Bloodlines_ , by Melissa Del Bosque
> 
> *I've described the airline precautions for COVID-19 to the best of my knowledge, and the instances of a person moving away from Ben and a group of fellows getting up in arms whilst refusing to wear masks actually occurred on a flight my brother recently took, though his destination was different from Ben's
> 
> Next chapter will detail the necessary quarantine, and then onward to visit Joe!
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	9. Chapter 9

By the time he gets his temperature taken after coming off the plane and goes through security - getting a virus test that sends a swab so far up his nose it feels like it's sticking into one of his sinuses - into New York proper (usually they don't have anything in the way of checks for folks getting off a plane, but pandemic has the power to change anything, Ben guesses) he is lucky he hadn't checked a bag, just has his carry on, and he's already booked the spot he'll be for the next two weeks. So after signing a form saying no, he hasn't suffered any coronavirus symptoms and yes, he will abide by the rules and regulations explained to him and getting into a car to drive to the hotel he'd found online, checking in and getting a key and telling the staff he's in mandatory quarantine, Ben feels like he's about to drop. 

The front desk folks say that he can stockpile towels or soap if he needs them, but of course no one can come to clean his room for the fourteen days, and they can only enter after that if he hasn't shown any signs or symptoms. Ben has hardly any coherent thoughts left and carries an enormous pile of towels given to him up to his room, opens the door with the card, bolts it behind him and flops himself down onto the bed to sleep. He turns his head and pulls off his mask, kicks off shoes, but everything else is still on, bag dumped at the foot of the bed and his clothes likely all smashed and wrinkled, but he's out like a light and doesn't think about it.

He wakes up later in the day, disoriented, as it had been noon in England when he'd got here but seven in the morning in America, and he hadn't changed his watch to American time so it's telling him he's slept until half-past six in the evening and he's dying for food and for a smoke, but when he groans and rolls over and takes out his phone to check the time, it's only 1:30. Time for dinner, or lunch as its called over here. "Brilliant," Ben sits up and figures he should let people know he's made it, so he sends a text to Gwil, and Rami, and to Joe's mum. _Made it to NY safe. Am in room theyve put me for 2wk quarantine. Wish me luck xx_

He gets chimes back and smiles as he reads

 _Loads of luck! So glad you're here_ 😍 from Rami.

Joe's mum says _Welcome to America, Ben! Tmrw your quarantine countdown begins..._

Gwil doesn't immediately reply, but when he does, he sends a picture with himself cuddling Frankie and then another one where he's pouting alone.

_Glad to hear you made it mate, hope the flight wasn't too bad. The Franks misses you... Though not nearly as much as I do. You're an excellent snuggle buddy you know x_

Ben smiles, returns a _thanks Rahm_ ❤️ an _ill be getting ready_ and a _cheers, youre quite the snuggler yourself, Gwil x_ before deciding he had best figure out how to order in food to his room since he'll be here so long. He's starving.

***

Door Dash is the greatest invention in the world, and Ben is fully onboard to invest in it after mere days of being in this room.

It's not all that different from quarantine at home, except he hasn't got his drums or his kitchen, and he had to figure out the various American telly channels (they have one called BBC America that mostly plays old Star Trek Next Gen episodes). He's found and is surprised to see the sports channels, although what is going on right now is mostly baseball and hockey, and no offense to Joe or his beloved Yankees, but hockey is a much more exciting game, at least for someone who doesn't know the sport, to watch on television. It's the playoffs, apparently, Ben's guessing that means the teams are winding down for who's going to play for whatever their trophy is called - he's seen a commercial mentioning "Lord Stanley's cup" and was surprised, he was unaware that the United States even HAD lords - but these blokes are playing all their games in Canada, in a sort of...bubble where they're staying at the rink and Ben guesses in a hotel together, kind of like he is in quarantine, only difference is there's loads of them and they can't leave until all of their games are over.

It's strange, even not knowing shit all about hockey, Ben knows there's usually tons of screaming fans (and if they're anything like football fans, bless) and these games have music and programmed crowd noise, but apart from the sounds of skates on the ice and shouts from players on the bench, the stadium itself seems eerily silent during every game he watches. Strange as so much else is in the present world. He tries to watch the American news as well to figure what's going on, but it cycles through virus numbers and miscalculations and new information about masks and social distancing that counters what was said the day before, and then there are five different political commercials all bad-mouthing the candidate who'd been on the commercial before theirs.... Yeah Ben would much rather stick with hockey.

He's begun to figure out some of the rules, now; or at least he knows what icing is, and can tell if someone charged and hit a bloke in a way that's set to provoke a penalty, or a fight, or both. He winces at the fights but finds it difficult to look away, and is impressed by the overall speed of the game.

He reads his _Bloodlines_ book, which is actually super interesting, about the way horse racing and the drug trade can go hand-in-hand in Mexico, and a little branch of federal investigators tried to keep watch on this for years. The timeframe of it boggles Ben's mind, as so much has changed in less than a year with this virus, but it took almost ten years for one young FBI bloke to get Intel enough on some rough types in Mexico that his superiors would do anything about it. Or could, really; they had to wait for the drug lords to come into the States and get caught spending drug money. But they gambled on horse racing and bought nice bloody cars and so many other things that it was difficult to track 'em. Ben is on the edge of his seat reading all about it, and along with the hockey the book lasts him about a week or so. 

Second week he spends buying the maddest combinations of food he can think of from Door Dash (giant cookie with ice cream, hot sauce, a sushi roll and a pickle got him some strange looks and silences especially when he ordered in a fit of hunger and insomnia-fuelled inspiration at three am - he gave the fellow who brought it all an enormous tip and offered a profuse apology) and trying to figure out how Amazon packages work, can they actually send some workout weights to his hotel? 

But Ben makes it through the fourteen days, taking a second test a few days before he is to be let out, and keeps in touch with the boys who aren't Joe because, perhaps misguidedly, he still wants this visit to be a surprise; and once he gets out after day fourteen with nary a symptom to be suffered, he finds a bus system that runs out of the city proper and to surrounding towns, and asks Joe's mother if he can make it to theirs via said bus as he's symptom-free. _Of course!_ is her response. _Just be careful, there are some interesting characters on greyhounds_ but when he makes it and sends a message, she promises to come and pick him up. 

Ben's mind is awhirl processing it as he sits outside the bus station to social distance. He's made it this far, dealt with fourteen days of quarantine watching hockey and talking to the walls, and now, finally, he is really on his way to see Joe. Ben is so excited, jiggling his knees up and down, pressing his hands together and unable to stop the smile that splits his face underneath his mask. He is so glad to be here to see his mate. It's really been too long.

Hopefully Joe will be just as happy to see him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All hail door dash, BBC America, and playoffs hockey! (I've currently been watching the latter but Ben is dealing better with quarantine than I) 
> 
> The Stanley Cup of hockey is also called "Lord Stanley's cup" sometimes which is honestly hilarious to me
> 
> I've also definitely had weird cravings during quarantine, though luckily live in a house where I can bake my own cookies and eat pickles with hot sauce at 3am and not have to piss off any delivery drivers lmao
> 
> But huzzah, Ben is on the way to Joe's town and survived a greyhound bus ride - I have heard from a good friend they can be... interesting
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	10. Chapter 10

Joe's mother tells Ben what sort of vehicle to look out for, and he sees her in an old Honda, but it's her he focuses on rather than the car. Lively thin face and long hair, fluffy and thick-looking but not at all curly (Ben thinks about how Joe had to get, and the amount of times he'd moaned about having, a perm for the film. Must've gotten his thick straight hair from her). His mum stops the car and waves as exuberantly as her son whenever seeing his friends, and Ben swallows a lump in his throat and is relieved for the moment that all she can see of him is the pale skin around his green eyes because he doesn't really know how to explain why his lips are presently trembling and he wants to be able to say yes, he's all right.

"Ben!" Virginia Mazzello says as he opens the passenger door and puts his bag beside her -

"Hullo Virginia, I should probably get in back, just in case," he offers, but she reaches out and catches his mask-covered cheek, pulling him into as much of a hug as she can.

"Oh, please. You're wearing your mask, you've been here two weeks, and I'm sure you're absolutely starved for attention that isn't from delivery drivers," she smiles, and he chuckles.

"Yeah, I, you're right about that," and so he switches his bag into the back and pulls his body into the front passenger seat, closing the door behind him. "How're you doing?"

"I'm well, Ben." Again she smiles at him before facing forward and reminding him to put his seatbelt on. He hastens to obey. "Changing up my video posting times as kids are going back to school. My daughter's been searching out a good safe daycare...,"

Ben nods. He imagines that must be nerve-racking, parents of course wanting to get back to work, and it seems like kids have a much lower infection rate but with the massive panic and the surety that schools need to start online (from what he understands that's what a fair portion of them have decided to do) it's probably hard to find a place. "Gotta keep the kids safe," he says, thinking of the photos Joe had shown off of his nieces and nephews. "Has she found anything?"

"She thinks she has, but they don't even seem to be certain when they're opening, so we're all waiting to hear. Joe was saying he could provide an uncle daycare." Her eyes widen comically at that as she heads onto the highway towards home, and Ben can't help it, he laughs.

"Oh my god, you might need a carer to watch over Joe," he says before he can stop himself, and presses his lips together as he flicks his eyes over to her, ready to apologise if he oughtn't say that, but she looks at him with eyes twinkling.

"Don't I know it."

"He seems to have a good time playing with them or did with his... broccolis," Ben wants to thump himself for how that sounds, because yeah he'd heard Joe mention some fan gifts of a pair of broccoli stuffies on his YouTube channel, but how pathetic is that to be the way he'd been hearing from his friend? But Virginia only nods, saying that yes, the broccolis are a hit, and Joe is still trying to figure out how to get back to everyone who has been sending letters to him.

"Maybe you can help him respond to some of them," they're pulling into the driveway now, it's a nice house, more greenery around than Ben has ever had near his flat in London. Here, there are actual _trees._ "if you want, of course. No pressure. I got one over on Joe about you coming by telling him I'm on a 'cleaning kick' so I could clear up and wash sheets and blankets for the guest bedroom." She gets out of the car and goes to the back, opening it to pick up some groceries. "...told him I had to go to the store. I've picked up some things for you but we can go back if you need anything more while you're here." She keeps on smiling at him in such a warm way that Ben's heart feels full and he has to blink to keep tears from collecting in his eyes. "I'll open the garage door and you can head right in," she withdraws her keys and goes up the single step from the garage. 

Ben follows, scooping his bag onto one shoulder and leaning over to gather some more of the groceries. He hears Joe's voice calling "Mom! You're finally back, I was about to get worried!" 

Virginia says back "yes Joey, I'm sorry, store in town didn't have what I needed. Why don't you go see what I've brought?" And there's a slight creak as the door opens wider and Ben is standing next to the car with plastic bags in his hand and his own bag on his back as framed and frozen in the doorway as though flabbergasted, there stands Joe.

His eyes are enormous as he stares at Ben, in silence, for once - and Ben bites his lower lip under the mask before lifting an arm to wave. "Hey buddy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da, Ben is here!
> 
> School schedules are crazy, childcare is also nuts, the world is highly strange
> 
> *Talking about the broccolis from Joe's earlier videos on his YouTube channel, wherein he showed off gifts he had been given, amongst them are a pair of stuffed broccoli guys
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	11. Chapter 11

"Uh, hi," Joe clears his throat, lips parting as he breathes out, words sounding like a choked almost-sob "Ben...," As if he isn't sure what's going on, if this is real or he's dreaming. Could have finally cracked due to being so long in quarantine. He sucks in air, raising a hand to his longer slightly messy brown head and then gulping, hazel-brown eyes filling with an ache, and hope, and tears. "Benny, is that really you? How are you here?" His voice cracks, and Ben's putting all of his bags down just inside the door as he strides right up to Joe, practically lunging over to him, and stopping just before him, deep voice gentle.

"Yeah, mate, it's me. I... wanted to come and see you, so I flew over. Been in quarantine for two weeks till your mom could come get me today. I, are you -" his mask sucks to press to his face, showing the outline of soft cheeks and his full lips briefly as he prepares to say something else.

But the words are stopped by Joe making a noise. A high little almost screech, but not a screeching like he's done previously in jest. This is something else - of shock, almost relief, as if he's letting out so much of feeling with that sound. He lunges the rest of the way to grab onto Ben and now clings to him, holding on in a vice like hug that makes Ben gasp for air a bit, but he wraps his arms around Joe in return and lifts him up, feeling his friend's face buried into his upper chest. 

Ben almost staggers a little, from the force of Joe's movement if not his weight, and then regains his footing. Joe has now started trembling violently in his arms, saying words into Ben's chest that he cannot quite make out, but he holds on tight and raises a hand to stroke Joe's tangled head of chestnut hair before he presses his lips to (through the mask, at least) and then rests his cheek against him, holding tightly, letting Joe know that yes, he is actually here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short and solely consisted of a hug but I think it's important enough to leave this length. Also yes Ben remains super strong and I'm not crying imagining him kissing Joe's hair through his mask nope
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	12. Chapter 12

It gets so that Ben actually worries at how much Joe is shaking in his arms during their embrace, and he withdraws enough to put his hands on Joe's shoulders and then cups the sides of his face, fanning out his fingers to hold on to Joe's cheeks. Feeling how his cheeks and chin have filled out just like the rest of him in quarantine. His face is softer-looking because of that fact, and he's like a burly little koala bear holding tight to Ben. 

"Hey," Ben feels his voice cracking even as he hears it, tries to remain composed as he lifts one hand to push Joe's hair off his forehead and holds onto his head. "Look at me. I'm gonna put these bags on the table for your mum, and then let's talk, okay?" Ben leans his forehead into Joe's after Joe nods, sniffs, wipes briefly at his cheeks and tries to laugh.

"Heh, this, I didn't mean to act like - you showing up here, it's just a surprise," he says, as Ben leans down and scoops up the groceries. 

"Yeah," the blond replies softly, rolling his lips, wondering if he actually ought to have said something about him coming to Joe instead of surprising him. Virginia comes over and Ben passes bags to her, hand and arm still extended to Joe (he can't help it) as Virginia gives her son a swift hug. 

"You knew he was coming, Mom?" Joe asks, looking at his mother with his entire expression on the edge of something that overflows as she responds

"Yes, he called me, asked if it would be okay," and she touches her son's face then, stroking her fingers along his cheek. "He's worried about you, baby. And you know me; the way a mother always worries."

"Ah, Mom, I'm fine. Ben, I -" Joe says he is, but stops the words as Ben's oceanic eyes look steadily into his. Joe shrugs. "People definitely have it worse. If I can help them, I'm doing something good." He doesn't say anything about if he isn't helping what could happen, what he's doing then, but Ben hears that even unsaid. Ben also hears that Joe might could use some help of his own. 

"Right, yeah, I'm sure you are, Joe." Ben says even as everything about his friend says, nearly screams otherwise to him, yet he doesn't want to push. He just wants to help. "You can talk to me and tell me whatever is going for you, though. Get it all out." Ben finds he is reaching out again, and his heart thuds as Joe looks back at him, saying nothing. But he feels slim fingers curl around his and Ben folds his hand and grabs onto Joe's, rubbing the pale skin at the juncture between Joe's first finger and thumb with his own. His eyes flicker down and then up to rest once more on Joe's face. "I'm going to be here a little while," he promises.

Joe swallows. "Okay, I, that's great, Ben. Let me just show you the guest room." His tone changes a bit, and Ben's stomach drops, but nevertheless he scoops up his bag again and follows Joe over to the hallway right of the kitchen where he guesses they'll find the guest room. 

He takes it as a small victory that Joe is still hanging on to his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're so sweet I may cry and I'm the one writing this, oh boy
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	13. Chapter 13

Joe shows Ben the guest room as well as its accompanying bathroom (with a nice big bathtub, nice) and takes him on a bit of a tour of the rest of the house, which includes, well, ends up in a sort of den down the hallway past the downstairs bedrooms. It's dominated by a fluffy couch and an absolutely enormous TV (Ben's mind shoots back to hockey for some reason, even though he had only started watching the playoffs since he'd gotten here and been in quarantine and hockey isn't even his sport, what the fuck) but Joe sees the brightening of his eyes and smiles in a way much more like he usually does, eyes twinkling. He says that Ben can come watch TV in here whenever he wants. "My room is over here too so I don't bother Mom," he says, and Ben tears his eyes away from the gigantic beanbag and puddle of blankets he'd noticed in the corner of the room, opposite the telly. That sight makes him think maybe Joe said he can come watch whatever television he pleases in here because that's what Joe himself has been doing. 

Ben tilts his head and lifts his brows at Joe to nonverbally question that, because even with his limited experiences with Virginia Mazzello, he doesn't think she's the type to be bothered by Joe. Not even on his loudest most ridiculous day when he's turned up music for his BAB dancing or something of the sort, never mind the screeches that invariably occur when he's making videos.

"You honestly think you could bother your mum like that mate?"

Joe shifts his shoulders and huffs air out of his nose with a slight chuckle. "Oh trust me, she has every reason to get upset with me now we're living together." Apparently hearing the way that comment sounds, he jokes "I mean come on, moving back in with your parents as an adult has gotta make you reevaluate your life choices, right? Same for them." 

Ben looks at him and doesn't say anything immediately. He can't find the words, so simply shakes his head. He saw how glad Joe was to be able to be with his mom at the beginning of quarantine, read on his Instagram how there was no one else Joe would rather spend so much time with (which he might've joked to Gwil about breaking his heart, but honestly he gets it). And yet he's sure there can be tough days. Weeks even. He imagines they might have a go at each other, though he'd never imagine Joe getting legitimately angry; not before seeing the way he'd looked in that video recently, at least, like he was about to explode or snap. "...things 've been rough round here, huh?" He asks vaguely instead, and is rewarded with a snort.

"Rough how, Benny? You're gonna have to be specific."

How much Ben thrills when Joe calls him Benny, even now, after how long they've known each other and how he'd basically done it since initial BoRhap rehearsals, like the third day _"how many times you think you can adjust your drumset, Benny?"_ Joe had teased, and Ben told him to fuck off before he'd stopped and thought about it. He'd frozen with his back bent in a crouch and then whirled around to apologise to Joe instantly, because maybe they weren't close enough yet for him to just snap out something like that, but Joe had held up his hands laughing uproariously and made a temperamental rockstar joke to boot, that whoah, he really was Roger, and Ben had come back with _"Temperamental? I've just been taking notes from you,"_ to which Joe responded _"oh please, I take it to another level, Benny."_ Ben had snorted then. _"Yeah, exactly, Mister Child Acting Star"_ after which, that particular rehearsal day (and many subsequent) consisted of Joe saying that Ben must've liked his movies and thought he was good if he was gonna call him a Child Acting STAR, wow - which Ben repeatedly denied and told Joe to piss off. But they were laughing so hard they could barely breathe at the end of all of it, Joe asked him if he wanted to grab dinner together that night, and that was it. 

Ben comes back to the present with an almost rude shock at how carefree that all was, how they could just walk out of the film lot to eat at some fish and chips place in London without worrying about staying two metres away from everyone or wearing masks until eating (and then if they had anything they'd be sending particles around without the masks on so what's the big idea, Ben still doesn't know) and he waves his hand now, trying to take everything in. "This, the virus, this pandemic. I've been hearing about hotspots that're still round."

"Yeah," Joe's tone has gotten sharp. "Because people are deciding that wearing masks is a guideline, not an actual rule they want to follow when they're going out and gathering. Keep hearing about colleges getting shut down because clusters of covid are happening on campuses." He jerks his shoulder as his face hardens and then goes soft and sad. "I keep thinking - about my dad," he says, "and it's different, but I know I'd be staying home so I didn't risk him if he was still here, and even though Mom's super healthy, she's -"

"She's more susceptible at her age," Ben says, and Joe nods, not even attempting to make a joke anymore.

"Yep. And yet all these twenty-year-olds are having frat parties and going to the beach? I'm sure they've got parents and grandparents, and I just...I wonder what they're thinking. Hell I don't think they ARE thinking. But I don't know, maybe they're not going back home or wherever they'd be risking exposing other people, they're staying out with their friends. I try not to judge people too much because I get feeling like you're going crazy in quarantine without regular social interaction that isn't through a phone screen. I know I'm going slightly mad," he sings with an attempt at a grin, treating it like a joke, yet Ben can hear the way his voice is aching with sincerity. "And then, just - people are so upset, and they definitely have a right to be, there are a lot of shitty things going on and I hear about one more shooting in the South side of Chicago because the police can't even go help people there. At the same time I'm hearing about more and more wrongful deaths of people at the hands of police happening around the country recently and years ago, and our politicians won't stop spreading misinformation or yelling at each other. Or both, and I want to help any way I possibly can...," Joe swallows, shakes his head. Tries to smile, to laugh even with the ache of helplessness Ben sees in his eyes. 

Joe's voice cracks. "I mean, I'm lucky. I'm so so lucky that I have a place to live and enough money to be okay even though I'm not having, not working right now. I just can't stop thinking that there are people who are _homeless_ during this. Because of it, like their bosses laid them off or put 'em on furlough because there isn't enough money coming in, even with the little bit of bailout from the government. Or they've got to use their unemployment and choose between like, food for the month, electricity, or rent. And all the kids who have to do online learning but can't get the materials they need for school, just - there's gotta be something to do, to help them all, but. It's crazy." Joe drops down onto the couch as he shakes his head. "This is a fully nutty thing. And it sucks, Ben. It really, really sucks."

"Yeah, it is. And it does." Ben moves over to sit on the sofa too, not really certain what else to say. He doesn't want to say his country is imploding, or that Joe's is, for that matter, because that would really suck especially right now and honestly he's got to believe that people can get their heads out of their arses and make things better. He claps his hand on Joe's knee, looking at him. "We'll just - have to get ourselves through somehow, yeah? And figure out a way to help other people make it through as well."

Joe's lips start to tremble as he wraps his hand around Ben's and squeezes. He takes in a shuddering breath of air and for a second Ben wonders if he's going to lose it, but no. He'd almost forgotten how strong Joe is. Or not forgotten, but he registers anew how Joe is one of those people who is able to keep on going. No matter how much Ben worries about him. It's astounding. "We're going get a little wiser, little better every day," he says, to which Ben's lips twitch as he rolls his eyes in response.

"Keep ourselves alive, huh?"

"We've gotta." There is a fierceness to Joe's face as he says so, nodding firmly. A burning expression in his eyes. Ben grips his leg and then lifts his hand to offer a hug, because honestly, there's nothing else for it, he doesn't think. Joe looks at him and then scoots into his side, resting his head upon Ben's shoulder as Ben wraps his muscular arm around him. They press to each other tightly, providing what measure of comfort both can. Ben faces forward, looking to and past the dark and silent TV screen - to all the people out there. He finds himself hoping, fervently

_All you people, keep yourselves alive!  
Takin' all your time and money, honey, you'll survive. Keep yourself alive._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *there's a post Joe has on his Instagram about how there's no one he'd rather spend so much time with than his mom and it's the sweetest thing ever to me
> 
> *Those lyrics from 'Keep Yourself Alive' are me hoping too, dang it
> 
> There is some seriously crazy stuff going on in the world right now. I don't intend to simplify anything happening around the world or in the States specifically with what Joe's saying here, it's just a lot, and Joe not knowing what to do and feeling so much on behalf of people who haven't as much as he is kind of me. Though of course, I'm not an actor A list or otherwise ;P
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	14. Chapter 14

Virginia calls that she is making food and will let them know when she's done, and hollers at Joe to ask if his friend needs anything, to which Ben responds that he's fine for now, he's got Joe, and is rewarded with a satisfied little smile from the fellow in question. At least until Ben leans over and says "actually though, where's your television remote? There should be a hockey game on" with how loudly Joe gasps and clutches his chest, one would think he had been stabbed or something.

"Benny, you'd rather be watching hockey right now?! I'm wounded deeply!"

"It's the playoffs, mate. I've _been_ watching," Ben rolls his eyes at Joe's dramatics and adds with his soft cheeks reddening a wee bit "besides, I could - well I could use a cuddle. I've really missed you, Joe." His voice gets so much softer on the final sentence it sounds like he's growling from under some floorboards, and he doesn't know if he's imagining it or not but it seems like Joe forgets to breathe. 

But then he's scuttling around on hands and knees to get the remote from where it is across the couch, and yeah, Ben was certainly imagining because "Fine," Joe makes a point of sighing as he turns the telly on and flops dramatically to sprawl out next to Ben, holding out the remote. "Since you're my guest. But I'll have you know baseball beats hockey so hard and I won't hesitate to talk crap."

Ben stares at Joe and then takes up the offered remote to turn to the playoffs channel he had discovered. "You won't be saying that soon's you see what a hockey fight looks like," he shakes his head as he recalls one of the brawls he'd seen subsequent to a pile up around one team's goalie last week. "Even knowing rugby I wasn't expecting 'em. They can be brutal. Ah here we go, one of the tough teams." He recognises their orange white and black jerseys and admires their grit, particularly that of the goaltender, who the announcers said was only twenty-two, and Ben had immediately looked that up because it didn't seem right. But it was. This team is full of players from nineteen to that age, a couple of older blokes besides. "The Philadelphia Flyers."

Joe's eyes widen as Ben leans forward intently. "Wow. You really have gotten into hockey," he whistles a little, seems honestly impressed, even if he doesn't personally care about the game. Ben shrugs like it's not anything. Isn't, really, he was just lucky this was going on and happened to entertain him.

"Well when you're in a two-week quarantine and that's the sport consistently on, c'n pick up a few things, I guess. Ohh, what a save!" The goaltender for Philadelphia just blocked a shot, and Joe snuggles up to Ben again as his green eyes sparkle in excitement, light hair falling forward onto his forehead. The look on his face makes Joe kiss his cheek, and Ben blinks, tensing in surprise. "What was that?"

"You just look so adorable getting all into hockey," Joe says lightly, and Ben's tenseness dissipates. 

"Oh," he wraps his arm around Joe, pulling him close. "Thanks mate." 

Joe rests his head on Ben's chest, reveling in (and still marveling at) the warmth of him - it's been a constant from the beginning. They all talked about cuddling on set and how Ben's body acts like a space heater or a furnace. For Joe, who has the tendency to run a little cold, it's especially nice. He listens to the slicing sounds of skates on ice as he watches the play of light from the television illuminate Ben's soft facial features, along with the mask he still wears, as he focuses on the hockey game. Joe relaxes his body into the warmth and strength of the embrace of Ben's arm.

Ben feels content in that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay more hockey references
> 
> *Flyers are a tough team, and their goalie Carter Hart has kept them going during some tough spots this year, particularly in their last two playoff games against the Canadiens. He's a talented kid
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	15. Chapter 15

They end up watching a couple of games, or rather, Ben keeps on watching and Joe apparently is either tired, or comfortable, or both because his head slides down between Ben's shoulder blade and the couch and his cheek sticks to the couch as he lets out a slight snore that reverberates through Ben's back. "Alright there, Joseph," Ben shifts himself to the left and back, catching Joe's face in one hand and moving to deposit him on Ben's lap, shifting his thighs to provide Joe with a pillow as he carefully lifts the remote, biting his tongue lightly and turning the volume to nearly zero. He settles back, then, letting Joe rest against him, curled into Ben's hoodie and in his lap. 

Up this close, Joe looks like he hasn't been getting the best sleep - or at least, he's got circles under his eyes, bit puffy, more visible because his skin is pale as alabaster, nice and smooth when he shaves, which he must've done because Ben doesn't see or feel any scruff when he gently rubs his fingertips across Joe's chin. His friend's face crinkles up, lower lip puffing out as he flings his arm over his face and onto Ben's legs. Ben chuckles, but stops as Joe's hand comes dangerously close to and ends up curling over him, which is totally fine; Joe's sleeping so it's not as weird as it otherwise might be... except that it isn't weird at all, not really, and Ben is shifting himself and pulling his mask off because his face has gotten really hot and feels flushed suddenly. Definitely not a fever, though, so he tries to stretch and settle himself to continue watching.

He absently drapes his hand by Joe's head and starts moving his fingers through his hair. Joe expels a little sound and burrows his head against Ben's leg, turning so more of his hair is available and Ben moves him to make sure Joe's nose isn't pressed directly into the cloth of his hoodie or anything because the last thing he wants is for him to smother. And it's really nice, stroking Joe's hair, feeling his weight and hearing him breathe. Ben cannot cuddle Frankie all the time, she's an independent dog who gets up and does her own thing, and the only other person he's been close enough to cuddle with during the long months of quarantine was Gwil, a little more than two weeks ago. So this actually is not weird at all, it's great. He strokes Joe's head some more and then rests his hand on his friend's side, feeling the way his ribs expand with every inhale. Runs his hand up and down a little too, and is about to shift and stop eventually, tongue rolling over his lips as he starts to move. But as if it is an accident - though there's really no way this could have been an accident, Ben figured - Joe's fingers are holding his own, and he's pulled Ben's hand back to rest along his ribcage, Ben's arm wrapped around Joe's waist on one side.

Ben lifts his head and checks Joe's face, but he seems like he's asleep, or else has gotten really good at faking it. As Ben moves he hears something in the hallway and looks up to see Joe's mum smiling at them. At him. He opens his mouth to say - something, he doesn't even know what, but she shakes her head and mouths "I was going to ask if you boys want any dinner, but it'll keep for a little. Enjoy your game," and she _looks_ at him in a manner that Ben cannot quite figure out before disappearing back down the hall. His right leg has fallen asleep under Joe's head and he sees a pillow on the other end of the sofa, so stretching himself carefully, he grabs the pillow and extricates his leg from Joe's grip. 

Placing the pillow under and letting Joe's arm wrap around it inside of him, Ben wriggles himself to lie next to Joe, or rather, behind him. Props his left arm on another pillow and hunkers down to be the big spoon, leaving arm and hand wrapped around Joe's waist, keeping him snug against Ben's front as he keeps eyes on the third game of the evening. Does his best, as he is warm and comfortable and Joe is out hard, breathing deeply and evenly with slight snuffling snores. Very likely the quietest he ever is, Ben fondly thinks. He feels himself drifting a bit into a sleepy stupor of his own even as he continues to watch. Ah, well. This is a comfortable couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatever reason for snuggling is a valid one in my opinion. The idea of Joe being actually pretty quiet when sleeping - not to mention unable to keep his hands off whoever he's cuddling with, especially Ben - is super adorable to me. And even when Ben's surprised he certainly isn't complaining about it ;) who knows whether or not they're going to wake up for dinner or just crash on the couch the entire night. ...I may or may not be incorporating my own wish for a snuggle buddy plus sleep deprivation ugh
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	16. Chapter 16

Joe's eyes blink open to see some sort of sports recap on the TV and notes that the time is long after midnight. He shifts to potentially turn off the TV, but feels a warm strength curl tighter around his middle and a huff of breath tickles the back of his neck. Joe shifts to lie on his back and finds Ben's face buried in his neck, mask off so Joe sees all of his features for the first time this visit. Those round cheeks and full lips and his slightly crooked nose with the bulge of bone on one side. Joe almost reaches out to touch him, he looks so sweet and young, but Ben murmurs and tucks his face down, arm tightening around Joe's body further and his nose and lips press into the side of Joe's neck. A tingling feeling traverses his spine and Ben feels the beat of Joe's pulse, the give of his skin, the softness of his stomach. He cannot help but expel a small sound as his lips part and Joe's breath hitches in his throat as Ben's eyelashes flutter.

"...Hey buddy," Ben clears his throat and blinks, rubbing Joe's side as though automatically, large oceanic eyes travelling across the sight of his friend's features. "You sleep okay?"

Joe nods, clears his throat in turn, and manages naught but a squeak. His features crinkle after that in a sort of flinch, as if he's thinking that was idiotic of him, and then clears his throat and nods. "Yep, I did. Um. You?" The TV makes a louder sound now as one of the commentators mentions an impressive goal that happened, and Joe's eyes get big. "Ah I'm sorry, you wanted to watch the games, and -"

"...And I did til I fell asleep," Ben says. "Being here with you 's more important than some hockey game anyway." He lifts his shoulder in a shrug. "I'm a new fan, sure they can play fine without me telling off the screen."

"Ooh do you tell off the screen?" Joe grins as he wiggles his eyebrows at Ben, and Ben chuckles. 

"Maybe, a bit. I get stirred up no matter what sport I'm watching, though not as much as Gwil." He pulls a face. "Don't think anyone gets as -"

"Amped up?" Joe suggests.

Ben nods thoughtfully. "Yeah. I mean he's at it enough whenever he sees one of our photos or posts together, but him at a football game..." He whistles. "'S something else, mate, I tell ya." 

"You should've seen him when we watched the Yankees," Joe laughs. "I mean of course they're the best team ever, but he didn't know too much about baseball yet he was still screaming." Nodding with a proud little smirk "clearly I'm a good influence on him."

"An annoying influence, more like," Ben rolls his eyes. "...but I'm pretty sure he's been like that since before he got to know you. He sends this though," as Joe gasps in apparent outrage, Ben throws his body against him in such an exuberant embrace that they both fall off the sofa onto the floor, Joe screeching in his typical way this time. 

"Oh my god Ben," Joe then hisses as Ben starts laughing, having curled his hands around the back of Joe's head as they fell so he wouldn't smash into the floor. "Ssshh I can't believe you did that, I almost bit the dust!"

"Was that like..." Ben smothers his snorts in Joe's shirt, as even without the mask he's not intentionally breathing directly into his friend's face. He's shaking and Joe is grinning, and it really seems like old times, messing. Eventually he rolls off Joe and gets up, offering a hand.

Joe grunts as he takes it. "Did Gwil tell you to take me down like that because that was a full-on tackle, I'm wounded." He stares at Ben without smiling for an extended period, but then his eyes crinkle. "...guess I should offer you some food so you don't tackle me again out of hunger." He starts shuffling towards the door to head back down the hall. "Are you hungry, Benny? I gotta be a good host."

"Yeah," Ben blinks. "Yeah, I could eat." He pushes his hair back and falls into step. "Dunno if I want you trying to cook me something, though. I want to actually survive the night." He grins as Joe gasps again and jokingly shoves him.

"Rude."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're too cute what the heck. Now for late-night food (probably pasta or something, whatever Joe won't burn and what cooks quietly) don't know why I'm sure the boys talk about Joe being a terrible cook, but nonetheless... Also there will likely be some more discussion of hockey because that is my life as of right now. Apologies if, like I've written Joe, you don't give any figs for the sport
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	17. Chapter 17

Down the hallway they practically tiptoe, alternatively laughing and shushing each other afterwards. Joe had prodded Ben for ragging on his lack of cooking skills "and to think I was about to make you a gourmet meal, Benjamin" and then they enter the kitchen to see a covered bowl of something next to a box of something else. Joe smiles "Mom knows me well. How d'you feel about late-night pasta? Mmm," he bounds over to the bowl, which contains what looks like a homemade red sauce, something Ben never sees back home - unless it's a part of the specific menu, a la Italian fare, pasta noodles don't even come with butter.

But this is tomatoes, tomato paste, what looks like hamburger as well as sausage, and the scent of herbs, which he's happy to smell. "Least someone in this family has a proper spice cabinet."

"Hey I know what basil does! And I think it's a plant, herb, right? That's not a spice."

Ben cocks an eyebrow and licks his lips "Does that mean you actually know how to use basil and such to cook dishes then?" 

Joe sweeps an arm grandly at the bowl. "Where ya think I learned it from?"

In the box are noodles "if you actually want spaghetti, I mean, if Dad was here, he'd be able to make homemade pasta, but I never could figure out how he did it, and before he could teach me -" Joe is blinking hard, suddenly, shifting in place, mirthful exuberance gone, and Ben is suddenly there pressing himself to Joe, hugging him. 

"It's okay, Joe," he murmurs. "That sort of pasta sounds lovely, but I suppose this will do." _More than do._ He presses his lips to Joe's hair after saying that, running a hand up and down his back.

Joe huffs out "Such cheeky comments, why do I put up with you," but it's without any heat as he relaxes into Ben's arms and his face automatically goes into his shoulder. He tries to hold back what Ben guesses is a sob as he clutches tightly, voice slightly rough. "God, Ben, I miss him so much."

Ben holds him for a little, nods against Joe's hair. "I know you do, Joe." His eyes start to prickle; hasn't really anything else to say. Has never known what _to_ say, really, except to offer his love. Does that on Instagram, so he ought to do it in person. He shifts and takes Joe's face in his hands, gazing at him as he looks into his eyes and saying before he chickens out (though why he would he isn't sure, they all feel some sort of way about each other, everybody in the band) "You know I love you, right?"

Ben feels Joe nod, and sees how his eyes sparkle in a combination of the kitchen light and moonlight shining through the window across the room. He sees the little smile on Joe's face, even as grief is entrenched in his eyes, but their expression isn't flat like he'd seen in Joe's insta story. Nor is there anything buried underneath the exuberance like he had caught upon watching Joe's latest video. He's just warm, and solid, and still grieving but nonetheless positive, Joe.

As is clear when Joe smacks his lips and says "Of course, I'm very loveable," even as his eyes are more serious than that response would suggest. They shine with appreciation, so Ben's roll of his own eyes and pat of Joe's cheek remain fond. 

And Joe now bending and retrieving a pot out of a cupboard makes Ben freeze for a second because of how quickly and suddenly he had gone down, so close too, and Ben presses his lips together with an immediate attempt to send various thoughts out of his head. 

But there has to be something for him to do, to help - "I'll just, erm, microwave the sauce," he gasps, lurching over and picking up the bowl. 

Joe nods. "Go for it." He waggles his eyebrows, blinking away his sadness, Ben guesses, and takes down plates and grabs some butter and a container of cheese "to have with the spaghetti and the ... sauce," he says.

"Always have to make things cheesy, haven't you?" Ben quips. There they are, this is usual ground for them, as Joe starts laughing and then Ben hisses at him to hush because the water has started boiling. "Work on your noodles," he says, and takes out the sauce after the microwave beeps. Pointedly ignores the strength of Joe's snort as he looks for a warming pan or something of the sort. 

Eventually the noodles are done "I'm getting ancient over here," Ben tells Joe as he carries the pasta sauce and plates over. Joe gasps.

"Don't say that, you know you'll always be my baby, Ben! I mean." His eyes lift from the table as he puts pasta, cheese, butter and knife down. Locks eyes with Ben as he scoops up some noodles and extends his arm to offer them as Ben brightens in his own turn. "I mean I wouldn't have it any other way, now gimme your plate." 

Laughing, Ben lifts his plate and holds it for Joe to put some pasta on. "Cheers," he says after placing it down, getting a slab of butter and some of the parmesan cheese to sprinkle over before getting an enormous dollop of red sauce on the side to dip noodles in. "This looks amazing." His mouth is actually watering, which is probably gross, come on Ben. But Joe only looks excited and tells him to eat up as he dumps an entire plateful of sauce on his own pasta. 

And then, after they've been sitting and eating, he makes a strangled sound and drops his fork. He waves both hands at Ben "I forgot to get us drinks!"

"...yeah mate, we definitely need to be drinking," Ben laughs, waving his fork around. "C'mon, what've you got? Aside from milk, I figure pasta is close enough to having lactose in it. It doesn't, does it?" He suddenly is horrified, because shit he hadn't thought, and if Joe hasn't taken his pills today -

"Aw Ben. That's really sweet," Joe's eyes crinkle as he smiles. Which is forever adorable. He gives Ben a nod. "I'm good, Ben, I'm good. We can get some water, or lemonade, or..."

"Something stronger, oh, lemme guess. Anything except milk," Ben finishes teasingly, but is nonetheless relieved Joe's had what he needs this time. Vividly recalls what can happen when he doesn't. "I'll have whatever you are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Joe is lactose intolerant from what I understand, including but not limited to several hilariously zany videos he has posted on such subject matter. MILK! is a modern-day masterpiece ;P
> 
> Red sauce from scratch (and pasta from scratch) is amazing. My father does the former, but the latter is incredibly time-consuming, amazing, and I must say I've only had it when my aunt's family went full-on. (And yes, they're Italian) not intending to stereotype at all, it's just so dang good that Joe's mom has got to at least make her own spaghetti sauce
> 
> And so, late-night pasta! Must admit I'm jealous. Dunno what they're actually going to drink...
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Radio and news
> 
> Discussion of violence and death below, by way of breaking news

After bringing drinks over, Joe pulls out from near the toaster a tiny old-school looking crank radio. Ben looks up and chuckles at the sight. 

"Radio ga ga, eh?" 

"It's our only friend," Joe cracks, winding the radio up and turning it on quietly, moving it closer to where they sit together at the table. "I've been listening to it a lot, late at night especially. Sometimes it's hard to watch the news with the way things have been going lately, but this way I still sort of know what in hell is going on."

"Much as you ever do, yeah?" Ben returns a light little ribbing, automatically falling into it as Joe's face has brightened up so much. It's easy, the way they are together, the way they've always been since they started interacting.

Since Joe burst right out into song and speech at the outset, Gwil right with, Rami gathering them all together as a family. Ben had come in to offer support howsoever he could; they all did. If someone needed a backup singing with on a tricky bit to sync up guitar and bass, they'd get it. After Ben checked his drumset he would tap out every bit of time for the boys, for Rami to skip and twirl across the stage, thrusting out his chest and jerking his chin, lifting his fists in the air for everyone and everything - the dreamers onset and off. They all gathered together in a band to handle the changing chain of command.

Working on telly previous was the biggest boost to the four leading men and how they handled changing directors halfway through. Ben only wishes that sort of mentality was as big a help in the present world as it was during the film, at least in the sense of a visible benefit. Adaptability is great, it's how humanity survives; how any living thing survives, by evolution, by change. But sometimes, so often the changes are cataclysmic, terrifying, and honestly there is no evolution that can happen so swiftly as what has occurred this year. 

Ben thinks this, and is in a bit of a haze, likely from tiredness after eating, staring into his drink glass as he hears Joe hum along to the radio, and then - he must've fiddled with the dial or something, because a voice is crackling over the airwaves now, talking about antithetical things to the light nature of what they had previously been listening to; riots, and murders. Ben feels as though his entire body has just been drenched in an icy deluge as he sharpens up to listen. 

_" -- violent protests began in reaction to a shooting in Oakland, California --"_ there's static and sort of shrieking, coming from the radio but something of it is like people, screaming at injustice, at the horror of what is happening in this country, in the world _" -- news of an officer-involved shooting of a black man in the streets of Kenosha, Wisconsin --"_ Ben hears a wet sound and looks up to see Joe sitting frozen with eyes full of tears, face as white as the Formica tiles in his mother's kitchen, one fist clenching around nothing as he slowly shifts his face to look at Ben.

Ben jerks as if the words he's hearing, as well as the look on Joe's face, have struck into the very heart of him, his core, as "...what the hell is happening?" Joe whispers. "What's becoming - why is this happening in the world, in my country, Ben?" 

Ben licks his lips and expels his own sort of wet-sounding sigh as he puts his glass down and stands, tugs at the hem of his shirt as if he could wring these words, these horrors away. His heart aches for the people who have lost loved ones and friends, and who, like Joe, are so stunned by all of this, the coagulating mess of murder and heartbreak and horrific acts of violence and of rage. 

Ben goes to Joe's side and feels the other man's hand latch onto him, fingers circling and digging into the muscles of Ben's arm, and he doesn't even mind the tightness, the slight shock of pain. He knows the feeling of freefall, of desperation and disbelief in response to happenings. His own ears are roaring a bit as the radio announcer's words seem to go in and out, to fade. He stares at that steadily blinking radio light and then looks into his friend's eyes, and knows not how to respond, except to hold Joe close.

"I wish I knew, mate. I wish we..." _could make it stop, could keep everyone safe, could help people to see - wish that people would let themselves see that there is so much more to love, there is so much of life and hope and decency to be found in the world if people can - will just stop doing horrible things to each other. If people could believe in good, work for good, let themselves be good. If only._ Ben lifts his own eyes upwards, feeling the warm itch of tears that rise and fill his sight, blurring as they trickle down. He closes them and presses his face against Joe's hair, feeling Joe's arms tightening around him. So much can be better, if only.

Oh, if only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are just so many things I'm hearing right now that I can't find enough words to speak about. I just feel so awful for people, and Ben's wishes here are my own, as desperate and potentially naive, fruitless as they seem or are, I have to hold fast to hope
> 
> *Riots in Oakland and the death in Wisconsin are occurrences from the past few days. There is so much hurt and hate, and we have to stop it. We have to be loving and firm in conviction to make this a better world now, right now. It may be late but I refuse to believe it is too late.
> 
> My love to all of you out there, please be well.
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	19. Chapter 19

Ben doesn't know who suggests it, if either of them actually did. He just knows he'd held Joe and then picked up the plates and bowls to wash for him when Joe was still sitting almost stymied over the news, seeming that way, wiping his face and looking so pale and small somehow. Ben's heart aches again, seeing that, and he washes and dries their dishes, puts them away, and comes back to take Joe's hand. "C'mon mate," he says softly, registering that Joe had turned off the radio. There was an empty sort of silence now expanding like a pool of deepening water around them, and it exhorts Ben to lightly tug Joe along with him. "Let's getcha to bed."

He means to go right to Joe's room, figures Joe really needs to sleep off those dark circles Ben had noticed underneath his eyes, but the guest room is closer to the kitchen, on the right-hand wall, and he guesses he pauses a second too long by the door. He doesn't know whose hand tightens around the other's, his or Joe's, and it isn't a monumental occasion for the two of them to sleep in the same space anyway - it's an actor thing to stretch out in a pile together, and even more so for them because they feel so comfortable. But whatever the indication is, Joe smiles at him now and pats his shoulder, letting his hand go. "I'm gonna brush my teeth first, Benny," he says, nonverbal _'you should too after that pasta and parm'_ and the teasing glint in his eyes, even as they still seem a trifle wet and drained, helpless makes Ben shakes his head and shove Joe towards the loo. 

"Fine," he says, and goes into the bathroom adjacent to the guest room, putting water on his hair and face and brushing his teeth before stripping off his trousers and shirt, going for a loose pair of soft sleeping trousers when he hears a noise at the door. 

Back bent in a bow over his bag, Ben turns his head to look at a shuffling Joe, who seems hesitant to come into the room now. His hair is a little wild, longer as it's gotten, and his pale skin contrasts to the olive green shirt he's wearing. Looks like he's just got pants on with, and also that he's about to walk away. Joe's tugging at his shirt and the slight pudge of quarantine that Ben had noticed and thought made him even sweeter, just so soft to hug, and so Ben grins and says "hey there sexy," to stop Joe. "You're not going to make me sleep in here alone, are you?" He's rewarded by a little squawk as he reaches out and grabs Joe by the sides, pulling him into the room. The planes of his muscles rest flush to Joe's covered back as he wriggles half-heartedly before giving into Ben's greater strength.

"...guess I know who's been keeping up with his workout routine during quarantine," Joe utters. "You're still so fit, Ben."

"Ah you flatter me. But this means we've gotta be workout buds while I'm here," he walks Joe over to the bed now, grateful the other cannot see the look on his face because of how stupid that had sounded. "Erm-- if you want, at least," Ben adds lamely, busying himself with pulling down the sheets that Joe's mom had obviously cleaned for him. 

Joe laughs and jumps on the bed, turning and batting his eyes at Ben. "You're not just going to say that and go back on it now are you? I depend on your promises, Ben." 

Something in his face makes Ben swallow before he nods and responds "Right, sure." He crawls into bed after Joe, stretching out on his side and instantly getting winded as he opens his arms and offers to cuddle, because Joe is slamming into his chest and wrapping all of his limbs around Ben as if he's never letting go. "Oof, gotta turn off the lights Joe," luckily he hadn't bothered with the overhead or anything besides the lamp beside the bed, and can roll over just enough to extend his arm and reach it. "G'night, mate."

"Night Ben," Joe's breath is warm against his neck as he tucks himself close, Ben pulling the sheet over his, over both of their shoulders. "I know I'm going to be saying this a lot, but I'm really glad you're here."

Shifting onto his back and pulling Joe to nestle on his chest, Ben smiles into the darkness. "Cheers, buddy. I am too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After hearing any tough news, or at any time, snuggles are important
> 
> I almost feel like this could be a stopping point, what do you think?
> 
> Comments appreciated <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [It's Late, It's Late, but Not (Too) Late](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26017855) by [1f_this_be_madness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/pseuds/1f_this_be_madness)




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